gerah di sore hari....

sore hari terasa panas membakar keringat seolah memaksa untuk menanggalkan kain pembalut tubuh... gerah yang membuat jengah menyudutkan semangat untuk aktivitas di penghujung hari. Keringat, tenggorokan yang kering kian meradang seolah hendak berteriak menyulutkan amarah karena sang angin pun tak kuasa menahan dahaga... kian gerah, kian penat meluluh lantakan sisa-sisa energi hari.. inikah warna indah di senja kala? inikah labuhan letih yang berbasuh peluh, inikah tepian hari yang mati?

aku yang tak sempat berbuat banyak...

haruskah aku mememulai dari awal, sesuatu yang baru, yang belum pernah terbayangkan sebelumnya, atau mungkin juga pernah ada sebelum ini hanya kurang menyadari atri kehadirannya, namun inilah kenyataan bahwa di setiap detak dan hitungan detik aku selalu berada dalam lingkaran bayang itu. Ini bukan fatamorgana, sebuah kenyataan yang masih menyimpan tanya untuk ku dapatkan jawaban dan kepastiannya. Selama ini aku hanya berkutat dengan diriku sendiri, tanpa menyadari berapa banyak point yang hilang dan mungkin gak kan pernah kembali lagi, lenyap selamanya. Tetapi sebaiknya aku harus mencobanya lagi, mencoba menghadirkan sesuatu yang belum sempat ku sadari keberadaannya... mungkin sudah jauh, tak apa, aku akan berlari mengejarnya, atau mungkin sudah hilang, itu pun bukan soal sebab aku akan mengais setiap serpihan yang berserakan untuk menemukannya diantara kepingan keputusasaan yang tersisa. Mungkin juga dia telah tiada sama sakali, maka aku akan mencoba menghadirkannya sebagaimana dia pernah ada. Walau langkah ku tertatih, walau jejak mu menghilang, walau debu dan asap menghalangi pandangan ku, aku akan tetap di jalurku dan mencari celah untuk mendapatkan mu. Kau, entah ada di mana, atau aku mulai tak menyadari kehadiran mu kembali di sekitar ku? Atau aku kurang awas dengan gelak canda yang serupa dengan mu, kau ada di mana? Aku akan mencoba memulai dan menggapai dengan cara ku, dengan kemampuanku untuk bersua dengan harapa yang sempat tertunda...

You will never be forgotten

You will never be forgotten
Or erased from my mind
You didn't have the best life
But to me you were one of a kind

Your picture reminds me everyday
With memories of the good times we had
The love you felt for our family
Even though your life was so very sad

The happy way about you
The kindness that you would share
To all that were around you
Even when you were in despair

Your eyes showed the sadness
Of the many years of pain
You stayed away from your family
So they wouldn't feel the strain

Your lifestyle was not sought after
And most looked down on you
But you made do with what you had
Where most would not continue

All of a sudden you went missing
We desperately looked around
We knew something was terribly wrong
We wouldn't stop until you were found

The most important thing to us
Was that you were alive
When you stopped calling us
Something just didn't jive

Hopefully people realize their acts of judgement
Were so carelessly misplaced
And now they will see the daily horror
With which you were faced

Although we couldn't protect you
You were always in our heart
And that is all we are left with
For now we are apart

The saddest thing to have to fathom
Is the brutality of your demise
How someone could just take your life
And watch as your soul dies

Instead of saying goodbye
I will have to say so long
Till we meet again my beautiful sister
This will be your song

Cinta Adalah Kesunyian...

Cinta Adalah Kesunyian

Bertahun-tahun kemudian, berpuluh tahun kemudian, seorang pengembara tua berjumpa dengan seorang gadis belia.

Di senja yang gerimis itu angin berembus perlahan. Genangan air bekas hujan terserak basah. Ada bangku tembok di bawah rerimbunan pohon bunga bougenville, mereka duduk berdampingan. Daun-daun bougenville bergetar perlahan disentuh angin senja, bergoyang lembut, seakan-akan sedang menari.

Ceritakanlah padaku tentang cinta.?
Cinta??
Ya. Ceritakanlah padaku tentang kesetiaan.?
Kesetiaan??
Ya. Ceritakanlah padaku tentang sebuah kenangan.?
Dan pengembara tua itu pun mulai bercerita?
 

Pada suatu malam yang sepi, di suatu masa, seorang petualang terjerembab di sebuah gedung kayu yang sunyi, seperti seekor kelelawar yang patah sayapnya. Hanya ada bekas-bekas kehidupan di situ. Di luar, suara binatang malam sesekali terdengar bagaikan sebuah simfoni. Ia terbaring sendirian. Letih, usai bertahun-tahun bertarung melawan dirinya sendiri. Bajunya tampak lusuh, begitu pun dengan celana jins-nya. Tampaknya sudah lama tak tersentuh air.

Asap rokok melayang-layang dari sela-sela jemarinya yang kurus. Lirih terdengar sebuah lagu di kejauhan. Where do I begin to tell the story of how great the love can be? Suara Nana Mouskouri yang sendu.

Setiap kali lelaki itu merokok, ia terkenang pada sebuah dongeng masa kecil. Kisah seorang gadis kecil penjual korek api. Tak seorang pun rela membeli korek apinya di malam Natal yang sendiri itu. Larut malam dalam lapar dan dingin ia nyalakan korek apinya satu per satu demi sedikit kehangatan.

Setiap kali ia menyalakan sebatang korek api, dialaminya mimpi yang indah: tentang ibunya tercinta yang telah lama pergi, tentang boneka?boneka kecil yang bisa bernyanyi, tentang peri-peri kecil yang lucu, tentang pohon Natal yang terang benderang? Setelah korek api terakhir habis disulut, ia pun mati kedinginan. Meringkuk beku. Sendirian. Petualang itu menikmati mimpi yang sama lewat asap rokoknya. Bermimpi adalah keasyikan hidupnya, sejak bertahun-tahun silam.

Petualang itu kini sedang hanyut menikmati lamunannya? Malam makin kelam. Di langit, rembulan tertutup awan. Nyanyian burung malam bergema di kejauhan.

Petualang yang sendiri itu memandang bara berasap di ujung sigaretnya. Tiba-tiba seraut wajah dari masa silam menyusup dalam bayang-bayang baur. Seraut wajah ayu yang pernah begitu lekat dalam hidupnya.

Apa yang kau cari?

Tak lelahkah kau bertualang?

Sepasang mata bening menatap penuh kasih. Ada kehangatan di sana.
Hai, kaukah itu? Bianglala Biru-ku?

Bidadari kecilku?
Secercah cahaya terbit sekejap dalam sepasang bola cokelat yang tadi redup.
Tahukah kau, bertahun-tahun aku menantikan saat seperti ini.

Pertemuan berdua saja denganmu. Dan kita bisa bercakap-cakap dari hati ke hati. Tentang kau. Tentang aku. Tentang kita. Tentang masa lalu. Aku tak terlalu serakah untuk mengajakmu berbicara tentang masa depan. Masa depanmu adalah milikmu. Mencintai dan memiliki adalah dua hal yang berbeda, dari akar yang berbeda pula. Kalau aku tak boleh mendapatkan keduanya, biarlah aku memilih yang pertama?

 
Bibir indah itu tersenyum lembut. Jemarinya yang halus membelai wajah lelah itu perlahan-lahan. Dia telah menjadi seorang lelaki sekarang.

Berhentilah bermimpi. Kau tahu, hidup tak akan surut ke belakang. Ia terus mengalir mengarungi kemungkinan-kemungkinan.?

Suara burung malam terdengar menyayat hati.
?Ah? tahukah kau, bertahun-tahun aku masih menyimpan gambarmu, gambar kita. Tak seorang pun kubiarkan menyentuhnya.?

Seekor tikus menyelinap cepat-cepat ke sebuah sudut.

Aku tak akan pernah lupa saat pertama kita jumpa. Aku duduk di bangku kayu, kau duduk di bangku sebelahku. Mata kita bersitatap. Aku takjub dan kau tersenyum. Ada ibu guru di depan kita.?

Itu sudah tujuh belas tahun berlalu. Waktu itu membaca aksara saja kita belum lancar, apalagi membaca hidup.?
Masih ingatkah kau saat kita menunggu hujan di depan gerbang sekolah? Percakapan mata, gerimis yang tak mau reda, hanya ada kita berdua. Menunggu ibu masing-masing membawa kita pulang.?

Bibir indah itu tersenyum lagi.
Tapi kenyataan membuat kita terpisah. Mereka membawaku jauh ke Timur. Dan aku hanya menjumpaimu dalam mimpi-mimpi malam, bertahun-tahun yang melelahkan. Suatu hari aku datang kembali ke kotamu dengan sekujur tubuh terluka. Sampai tiba malam itu. Kau datang padaku dalam selubung putih bertudung renda. Wajahmu begitu indah. Kita hanya berpandangan tanpa kata. Kucoba merenangi bola matamu, tapi tak ada jawab di sana. Tiba-tiba kau lenyap. Hilang. Aku terjaga di malam buta dengan dada sesak dan sekujur tubuh berpeluh. Esoknya seorang kawan memberi kabar tentang hari pastimu. Aku terlambat, kau tak lagi sendiri?

Sepasang mata memandang sayu. Ada bening kaca di situ.
Maafkan aku. Hidup tak pernah bisa direncanakan. Hidup sering kali begitu tiba-tiba. Lama tak kudengar kabarmu, lenyap bagai ditelan bumi?
Asap rokok itu masih menari-nari.

Tak perlu menyesali yang telah terjadi. Hidup bukan untuk dikalkulasi. Hidup ini buat dijalani? Ah, cepat sekali waktu berlalu, dan hidup terus mengalir seperti sungai tanpa kita tahu di mana akan bermuara. Terkadang sungai itu begitu luas dan tenang seperti Amazon. Tapi ada kalanya berliku-liku bagai sebuah meander. Tanpa kita sadari yang tertinggal hanyalah sedimen di dasar sungai. Atau malah tak menyisakan apa-apa. Bahkan sekedar kenangan pun. Kita memang tak mungkin mendapatkan semua yang kita inginkan dari kehidupan, bukan? Jadi, jika kita tak memiliki apa yang kita sukai, apa salahnya menyukai apa yang kita miliki??

Nyanyian burung malam memecah kesunyian.
Sejak itu, bertahun-tahun kucoba mengarungi kemungkinan-kemungkinan. Aku bertualang ke pulau-pulau sepi, bermain-main dengan mawar berduri. Beberapa kupetik dan coba kubawa pulang. Tapi pada akhirnya aku selalu gagal. Aku terlalu naif untuk sebuah dunia yang penuh kebohongan. Hanya kau yang membuatku damai. Kini aku sendirian. Sebatang ilalang liar di tengah padang gersang?

Sepasang mata bening di raut ayu itu meneteskan butir-butir kristal.
Berhentilah bermimpi. Berhentilah bertualang. Cobalah hidupi hidup seperti mereka yang lain??
Petualang itu hanya tertawa. Bukan tawa bahagia, tapi tawa menahan luka. Dengan suara parau ia mengeja sebait sajak seorang penyair jalang: hidup hanya menunda kekalahan, tambah terasing dari cinta sekolah rendah, dan tahu ada yang tetap tak diucapkan, sebelum pada akhirnya kita menyerah? Sigaret di tangannya berhenti berasap. Perlahan-lahan bayang-bayang memudar. Lenyap bersama angin malam.
 
Senja telah lama merapuh, berganti dingin malam. Di puncak pepohonan, rembulan hampir purnama. Sisa hujan telah lama berhenti menitik.

Di bawah rerimbunan bunga bougenville, pengembara tua berhenti bercerita. Matanya menyimpan sebuah rahasia. Dengan hati-hati diambilnya sebuah biola yang sedari tadi tergeletak di sampingnya. Ia mulai memainkan sebuah komposisi. Sebuah sonata yang sedih, mengalun, mengiris, menggoda kesunyian malam.

Sudah selesai ceritanya, Kek?? tanya gadis belia yang tekun mendengarkan kisahnya sejak tadi.
Pengembara tua itu tak menjawab. Kilau matanya seakan-akan menyimpan sebuah rahasia. Ia terhanyut dalam sebuah sonata yang sedih. Mengalun, mengiris, menggoda kesunyian malam?

Cerpen Anton Kurnia
Dimuat di Sinar Harapan 05/11/2003

The Pure Sanguine

The Pure Sanguine

The sanguine is your classic “people person.” This extraverted temperament is characterized by quick, intense, but not long-lasting responses to stimuli. As a result, the sanguine temperament is interested, lively and volatile--yet forgiving. Sanguines are characterized as having heightened senses that are socially attuned, so they tend to be animated, buoyant, high-spirited, effervescent, imaginative, and optimistic. They are fun-loving and talkative, and are easily captivated by whatever is new and fashionable. Although they usually are quite comfortable taking direction as part of a group, they can also be charismatic and highly motivating leaders. The downside to this engaging and spirited temperament is that sanguines can also be easily distracted, inattentive, lacking in follow-through, superficial, faddish, and forgetful. Their sense of humor can, on occasion, get out of hand.

If you are a sanguine, then you are most likely the life of the party. You are funny and relish the limelight. You are affectionate, enjoy social activities, and make friends easily. You are imaginative and creative, and are often the one who enthusiastically promotes new ideas on the job. People call you vivacious, generous, and light-hearted. You wear your emotions on your sleeve, but you are always quick to “forgive and forget.” You probably struggle with follow-through, are chronically late, and tend to be forgetful. As quickly as you discover a new hobby or pursuit, you can also lose interest--when it ceases to be engaging or fun.

St. Peter was a lovable, but inconstant, sanguine. “Lord, I am prepared to go to prison and to die with you,” he fervently pronounces; a few hours later, Peter denies even knowing Jesus! (Lk 22:56-60). At the transfiguration, Peter enthusiastically offers to set up three tents on the spot—even though, as Scripture notes, “he did not know what he was saying” (Lk 9:33). When Christ appears walking on the water, Peter impulsively joins him—until he begins to sink. (cf Matt 14:30)

The natural sanguine tendency to want to please others can, at times, cause you to exaggerate when speaking and become overcommitted and disorganized, though your intentions are good. Watch out that you do not fall prey to flattery and to fads--even “spiritual fads”! A deep prayer life, constant reception of the sacraments, and a personal relationship with Christ—the true friend of your soul—will lead a scattered and frivolous sanguine to much spiritual depth. With your natural joy and friendliness, combined with a firm commitment to persevere in virtue, you will win over many souls for Christ.
 
The Sanguine / Choleric

The sanguine-choleric is the most extraverted of all the temperament combinations. With the addition of the choleric aspect, the optimistic, impulsive, fun-loving sanguine becomes more adept at follow-through, taking significant leadership roles, and juggling many projects without unduly sacrificing productivity. This temperament tends to be a happy combination of charm and decisiveness, creativity and analytical skill, friendliness and focus.

Your ability to connect with people balances out the domineering and relentless temperament of the pure choleric. You value relationships highly and make friends easily. You are insightful, enthusiastic, and affectionate; your sanguine capacity for dealing with people, combined with the leadership skills of the choleric, make you an excellent manager of people. You are also capable of constancy, dedication, and serious undertakings — though at times you may have been underestimated, due to your often humorous and light-hearted manner. You not only are capable of creative inspiration, but also you will find within yourself the persistence and drive needed to carry out your inspirations.

St. Peter may have been a sanguine-choleric. He was impulsive, enthusiastic, protective, talkative, frequently wrong — yet a heroic and passionate leader of the flock.

The bad news is that, if intellectual, human or spiritual formation is seriously lacking, this temperament blend can exhibit the worst of the two temperaments: overly talkative, brassy, opinionated, loud, rash, swift to jump to conclusions, and forgetful. If intellectual depth is lacking, this temperament mixture can become superficial, bossy, and intolerant. The high-spirited humor of the sanguine can become biting and hurtful when combined with the unforgiving, vengeful nature of the poorly formed choleric. If pleasure-seeking and impulsivity are not contained, the sanguine-choleric may wind up with a lax conscience that justifies his weaknesses, ultimately resulting in habitual sin. Easily captivated by exciting new projects or opportunities, the sanguine-choleric should watch out for his tendency to come up with great ideas, put everyone to work, and then drop the ball when the project gets tiresome. On the other hand, the natural generosity flowing from the sanguine temperament will commit him to many good works.

If your temperament is sanguine-choleric, for a better understanding of your temperament it is recommended that you read the full descriptions of the sanguine and choleric.

my personality

Personality/Temperament for Paskalis R. Paskal

Test taken on March 7th 2010

http://www.oneishy.com/personality/results/69f8e688a

Personality: Sanguine Phlegmatic

Melancholy Strength:2 Weakness:3 13% Read more about Melancholy Strengths Read more about Melancholy Weaknesses Phlegmatic Strength:3 Weakness:7 25% Read more about Phlegmatic Strengths Read more about Phlegmatic Weaknesses

Sanguine Strength:11 Weakness:8 48% Read more about Sanguine Strengths Read more about Sanguine Weaknesses Choleric Strength:2 Weakness:2 10% Read more about Choleric Strengths Read more about Choleric Weaknesses

The 4 Temperaments

explains... Why did you do that?!

• Do you ever wonder why people do what they do?
• Does it surprise you that you and your friend react so differently to the same situation?
• And isn't it amazing that children with the same parents can be so different?!

Each person sees and responds to the world in a unique way.

Philosophers, poets and psychologists have spent hundreds of years trying to understand the most complex riddle imaginable ~ the human being.

The Four Temperaments

One way of understanding human beings has stood the test of time: the Four Temperaments. The sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic and melancholic temperament types provide a key to solving the riddle.

While humans have categorized themselves by assigning letters, numbers, colors, motivations and moods into as many as 36 divisions and personality types, the Four Temperaments remain the most simple and effective system.

The model was created by Hippocrates around 350 BC. Studying the under and over-abundance of bodily fluids, he was able to discern differences between four types of people.

The Temperaments in Education...

Rudolf Steiner, founder of Waldorf Education, revived this temperament model and introduced it to the first Waldorf teachers in 1919. He taught them that children would respond actively when each lesson offered something for each temperament type.

The Four Temperaments model offers understanding of the...

• fiery and determined Choleric temperament
• moody and sympathetic Melancholic temperament
• steadfast and contented Phlegmatic temperament
• delightful and lively Sanguine temperament

Do You Recognize Yourself Yet?

While no one is completely one temperament, we all have an in-born tendency. You can think of the 7 billion people on earth as nuanced shades of the four primary ‘colors.’ Life experiences, parents, teachers, and environment bring endless variations to the four basic temperaments.

Knowing that there is no one right temperament, read on and begin to discover your primary temperament...

and keep in mind that each temperament has its virtues and its challenges.

As adults, we strive to have a balance of each temperament so that we can adapt to any situation. Children, on the other hand, are encouraged to ‘live into’ their temperament and experience it fully, learning to work with the strengths and challenges.

A Short Story to Illuminate the Temperaments...

Imagine children playing in a park on a bright spring day when a puppy arrives on the scene...

The Sanguine child may be climbing a tree or swinging on the swings, her lithe limbs strong and coordinated, her hair flying in a bright halo around her head. She has likely tried out every slide, swing, merry go round and climbing bar, all the while delighting in having her friends nearby. She loves and constantly seeks variety and rarely completes any task. When the puppy arrives, she runs over and squeals with delight, patting it and rubbing its ears. Then she spies a butterfly and she is off to give chase. The sanguine may be seen as ‘flighty’ and ‘fickle’ yet she has her finger on the social pulse of her class and community and genuinely cares for all.

Sitting under a newly leafing maple tree, is the Phlegmatic child. Rather round of tummy, he is content to sit comfortably watching the other children romp. He is wishing they had brought a picnic basket to the park as he fondly recalls last night’s dinner. Perhaps there might be a bit of last night’s pasta for lunch today? When the puppy comes over to sniff, the phlegmatic pulls him onto his lap for a comfortable cuddle enjoying his presence yet is completely unperturbed when the puppy decides to move on.

The Melancholic child isn’t very happy about having to be outside today. She’d much rather be back home in her quiet room reading a book. She is sure today won’t be very fun, certainly not nearly as much fun as the time they went to the park last fall and the leaves were blowing around on the ground. She is preoccupied with the knee that she skinned on the way to school yesterday and makes sure that her friends know that she took a fall. She is worried that the puppy has run away from home and thinks how sad its family must be.

At the top of the slide, the Choleric child is pretending to be captain of an ocean-going sailing ship. He revels in directing his crew members, dreaming of lands to be conquered and treasure to be found. He remains happy as long as the crew does what he says. He becomes bossy, rude and indignant when they have ideas of their own. His stocky body and ruddy cheeks can barely contain his focused energy and strength. When the puppy yelps in pain, the choleric immediately directs a playmate to hold the puppy as he examines the foot and then calmly pulls out the thorn that is lodged there.

When the puppy’s owners arrive, the children realize it is getting late and head for home ~ the sanguine skipping and tripping along, the melancholic with drooping shoulders and dragging feet, the steady phlegmatic spurred on by the idea of an afternoon snack, and the choleric, who makes sure to splash in every puddle along the way with heavy footsteps.

Which child would you have been on that playground?

Often, our primary temperament becomes clearer when we are able to recall what we were like as children, especially between ages 5 and 15. The choleric and sanguine are inherently extroverted, while the phlegmatic and melancholic are introverted. Based on those two qualities alone, you can imagine the differences of opinion that might arise in any gathering of more than one person!

Understanding how to motivate each temperament (such as challenging the choleric and offering several choices to a sanguine) and how others perceive us leads to deeper self-knowledge and promotes harmony at home, in the classroom and the workplace.

Its been said that every conflict is a conflict of Temperament...

...knowing more about ourselves and each other deepens understanding and strengthens relationships.

References:

• van Sertima, Ivan (1992), The Golden Age of the Moor, Transaction Publishers, p. 17, ISBN 1560005815
• Sudhoff, Karl (1926), Essays in the History of Medicine, Medical Life Press, New York, pp. 67, 87, 104
• Lutz Peter L. (2002), The Rise of Experimental Biology: An Illustrated History, Humana Press, p. 60, ISBN 0896038351
• LaHaya, Tim (1966). The Spirit Controlled Temperament. Tyndale Publishing.
• LaHaya, Tim(1984). Your Temperament: Discover Its Potential. Tyndale Publishing. ISBN 0842362207
• LaHaya, TimWhy You Act the Way You Do. Tyndale Publishing. ISBN 0842382127
• “Personality Dimensions”. http://www.personalitydimensions.com/.